Sleepless Beauty, by Rachel Stubbs

Not so long ago there lived a mother and father, who said day after day: “Ah, if only we had another child!” for the couple had already four other children. Then one day, the mother gave birth to a baby girl who was so beautiful that the father could not get over his joy and held a great feast for his neighbours.

The father invited not only his relatives, friends, and acquaintances, but also the local Wise Women, for he wanted them to feel friendly toward his child. There were thirteen Wise Women in the kingdom, but the father had only twelve chairs for them to sit upon, so one of them had to stay home.

At the feast, each Wise Woman gave the child a magic gift: one gave humour, the second sass, the third sarcasm, and so on, until they had given everything an independent woman would want in this world. When the eleventh had spoken, the thirteenth suddenly stepped in. Being so mad that she had not been invited, the thirteenth cried out: “When she is eighteen, the girl will get her acceptance letter into university—and fail!” Then, without another word, the woman left.

However, the twelfth Wise Woman had not yet given her gift. She touched the baby and said: “I cannot undo this awful curse, but perhaps I can ease the severity. The child will go to university, indeed she will do well, but she will not sleep for four years.”

The father, wanting to save his daughter from such a horrendous fate, burned every mailbox in the county, much to the annoyance of his neighbours. Once the child was eighteen, she, like all of her friends, sent away her application to university. One day, the mailman appeared at her doorstep, carrying a letter of acceptance to a university; for, of course mail will find its way to you even without a mailbox.

That very day the girl moved out of her parents’ house and into residence, where she did not sleep for the next four years. The girl spent her days and nights locked in her bedroom, pouring over books and writing extensive and detailed notes. In the final year, when the girl believed she had finally figured out how to avoid comma splices, there was a knock at her door.

“What!” she yelled, , pushing her hair out of her eyes; for the girl was so thoroughly exhausted from her term papers she had forgotten to shower, and her hair was now sticking to her scalp.

“My name is Mr. Prince, Resident Advisor, and I have heard you have not slept for four years. I am here to bring you good news. Your graduation is next week!”

And so, the girl showered, crossed the stage, received her degree, and finally broke the wretched curse. After four long years, the girl reunited with her parents. They took her home, where she slept for a solid two weeks. The girl and her hard-earned degree lived happily to the end of her life.